Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
