this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
