I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
