idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
