Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
