went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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