I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
