i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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