i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
