I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
