He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
