So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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