I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
