Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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