we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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