Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
