Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
