I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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