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She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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