I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
