We named our party play list daddy issues
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
