We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
