We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
