hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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