I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
