I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He did a backflip because drugs
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