dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
