If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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