...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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