could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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