Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
