Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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