so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
