just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Randomize
