i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
