what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
