My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
