Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
