You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
