Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
