Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
