you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
