went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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