I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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