she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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