my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
