so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
