Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
