How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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