My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
